Sexual Addiction Tabboo

Sex addiction is one of the least talked about and least understood of all addictions. This is mainly because of our society's unwillingness to take a honest look at sexuality. However recently a more clearer understanding of sex addictions is being reached. Today the idea that someone could be hooked on sex is unsettling to most people. Most will deny that the problem is actually a chemical addiction and suggest that its really cause someone is a 'slut' or 'player' or that the person is just a 'horn dog'. People are more able to admit that they have bad habits then they are able to admit they are hooked on someone or something. This confusion about sex addiction is majorly influenced by our society's stereotype towards addicts.

Sex addicts are those who engage in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior. This behavior is usually increased as the time and problem foes on, despite negative consequences to self and others. They become addicted to the neuro-chemical changes that take place in the body during sexual behavior. Sexual addiction has many different forms including: compulsive masturbation, sex with anonymous prostitutes or other partners. multiple affairs outside of a committed relationship, habitual exhibitionism, inappropriate sexual touching, sexual abuse of children, and raping. The worst of all of these above is childhood sexual abuse. It is said that 60 percent of people who have a sexual addiction where abused by someone in there childhood. Its like a recurring nightmare, sex addiction hurts a lot of people and can even lead to others developing the addiction.

Sex addicts have no comprehension of the risks they are taking. They feel their life is out of control. To deal with the pain, the sexual addict may resort to other addictions such as alcoholism, eating disorders, and abusive drugs. Many times suicide is also a constant thought. The addiction does not't make a person worthless, it just hides the addict's true personality and positive qualities. Many sex addicts, however, are not involved in any public activities that would enhance their level of arousal. Instead they spend hours reading or watching pornography, with eventually masturbation as part of their activity. Sexual addiction is progressive and it rarely gets better. Over time it gets more frequent and more extreme. At other times when it seems under control, the addict is merely engaging in one of the common traits of the disease process in which he switches from sexual release to the control of it.

Many addicts seek help for there sex addiction, but discontinue it or find it not helpful. They have a growing appreciation of the reality of the problem but tend to counter this realization by minimizing the problem or thinking they can handle it by themselves. Most fear that letting go of the addiction would mean giving up sex completely.
Recovery is not a straight incline leading directly to a desired goal, but it does follow a somewhat predictable path. To get on this path, the addict must first recognize his or her problem and be able to address their addictive behavior, then must understand the role that the addiction has served. The addict must learn the value of his self as a whole person, rather than as a sexual object.

Addiction to Blame

Stopping any addiction is always a challenge. Changing our thought process is especially challenging. However, there is a process available, but it will work only when you really want to change. Changing from being self-abusive to self-loving has to become more important to you than continuing to try to control yourself through your self-judgments.

1. Pay attention to your feelings. Learn to be aware of when you are feeling angry, anxious, hurt, scared, guilty, shamed, depressed, and so on.

2. Make a conscious decision to learn about what you are telling yourself that is causing your pain, rather than ignoring it, turning to substance or process addictions, or continuing to abuse yourself.

3. Ask yourself, “What am I telling myself that is causing me to feel badly?” Once you are aware of what you are telling yourself, ask yourself, “Am I certain that what I’m telling myself is the truth, or is it just something I’ve made up?” Then ask yourself, “What am I trying to control by telling myself this?”

4. Once you are aware that you are telling yourself a lie that is causing you to feel badly, and why you are telling it to yourself, ask the highest, wisest part of yourself, or ask an inner teacher or a spiritual source of guidance, “What is the truth?” When you sincerely want to know the truth, it will easily come to you.

5. Change your thinking, now telling yourself the truth. 

6. Notice how you feel. Lies will always make you feel badly, while the truth brings inner peace. Any time you are not in peace, go through this process to discover what lie you are telling yourself. Eventually, with enough practice, you will be in truth and peace more and more of the time.

Animal Lovers Are Never Lonely

Early childhood is an impressionable period of life in which children are often dog lovers. Parents have a great contribution in the building of their children’s character by encouraging them to be animal lovers and allowing them to have a dog as a pet. Parents should encourage their young to become animal lovers because this will mean never to be alone, to always have a friend, to be comforted when sad, to be happy and needed, to learn responsibility and, last but not least, to love. That's what an animal friend teaches a child: the most valuable lesson of all.

Seeing dog lovers in parks, on television, in stores and on the streets, one can realize the benefit of having a pet as company. Having a dog or cat around the house will surely bring animal lovers a lot of smiles. Cuddling, big round eyes sending messages of love, cute fluffy ears or tail moving in signs of joy should make any heart melt. Animal lovers are the ones that feel for these helpless beings. A pet is not an object one buys to keep around the house, but a living thing that communicates and interacts with the persons around it. Animal lovers know that and they appreciate every smile a pet brings on their faces.

Dog lovers know that pets depend and need them more than a human ever will. The animals around the house have to be fed and watered and cleaned constantly, just like a child. They need their masters just like a child needs his mother to survive. Having a pet means having a lot of responsibility and dog lovers sacrifice their time, money and effort to keep their beloved company around them. Animal lovers assume the responsibility towards their pets with pleasure and never regret their efforts, because they do it out of love. In exchange, animal lovers receive even more. Animal lovers are never lonely, are always loved by their pets, they never get disappointed and often receive the comfort that a human could not give them. Not to mention animal lovers won't ever feel nagged by their pets, neglected or left aside. Having an animal for a friend is having a true friend for life.

Another reason to why animal lovers are never lonely is the fact that their sacrifices talk a lot about the kind of persons they are: communicative, generous, not selfish, always around to help their friends in need, loving and attentive. There are many people who would want these qualities in their friends or their lovers, so animal lovers are very appreciated and loved by everyone. Single persons that are dog lovers can easily find company not only in their animal friends, but in their human friends also. Not to mention that dog lovers usually find dog lovers also as their friends, because their passion for the same pets will give them a lot of things in common to talk about. A shared passion (of any kind) will always bring two persons together.

So if you are looking for company, animal and human, don't forget animal lovers and their pets! They will bring you the soul medicine everyone needs: love.

Dog Grooming

Dog Grooming & Routine Care

All dogs need regular grooming. It improves the appearance of short coated dogs and is essential for those with long coats. It also does much to stop unwanted hair on the furniture and carpets. Start as soon as you get your dog or puppy. If you get dogs used to grooming from an early age they will accept it as a normal routine and become to enjoy it.

For the shorter haired dogs a fairly firm clothes brush will be sufficient, but if you need one that's a bit stiffer your local pet store should have a wide choice of brushes. Regular brushing will remove the loose hair and give a shine to the dogs coat. For long haired breeds a strong steel comb as well as a brush is essential. So many owners think they are grooming their dogs when they are actually only running a brush over the surface of the tangled coat. A daily grooming should prevent the formation of matts and tangles, even in spaniels and poodles.

Parasites
Remember while grooming your dog to look for parasites such as fleas and lice which may have been picked up by your dog.

You may also find grass seeds in the coat, and especially between the toes. These, if not removed, may penetrate the skin causing painful abscesses. A daily examination of the coat will also give you the opportunity to check for skin irritations that may need attention.

Foot Care.
The feet should be examined daily, especially the hairy types of dog such as spaniels, for the presence of thorns. It is better to keep the hair between the toes and under the pads trimmed short, and to wash the feet after exercise in muddy weather. The accumulation of grit and hard packed mud under the pads may contribute to the formation of cysts or boils on the feet. Keeping your dogs feet clean is a must. 

Tips For Feeding A Happy, Healthy Dog

Do you really know all there is to know about your canine companion’s nutritional needs? Many pet owners think they’re doing what’s best for their dogs when it comes to food, but in reality they rely on pure instinct more than science. Think about it – if you were left to feed yourself based only on what you craved and had no knowledge of what your body needs to function, would you be eating 5 servings of fruit and veggies.

1. Cover all of the bases.

A dog’s diet can be as complex as any human’s (including yours!), and it’s absolutely essential that you, as an owner, hit all of the vital nutritional bases. A deficiency of certain vitamins and nutrients can lead to upset tummies, overly dry or oily skin, brittle bones, weight issues, and, in some of the worst cases, death. A balanced and proper diet is the building block of your dog’s overall health – if he doesn’t get the right blend of nutrients, the most impeccable care otherwise won’t mean a thing. But with the right diet, his defenses against disease and disorders are infinitely stronger than a dog whose owner hasn’t put much thought into an eating plan.

2. Mix it up!

For the most part, pre-packaged food will help you cover all of the major nutritional requirements a healthy, fairly young dog has. This where many owners trip up simply because of the ease of the decision. Most think that the major choice is between dry and moist food, when in reality the best diet you can provide your dog is one varied in ingredients, textures, and nutritional value. Dogs, of course, are carnivores, and that instinct remains in their blood to this day.

3. Move beyond meat.

Building some portion of his diet from meat gives you many of the crucial nutrients he needs for energy and growth, but he also needs fiber and carbohydrates to aid in digestion and stability. You could throw down a bowl of dry food every day and maybe give him a “treat” of moist food once a month, but how would you like it if the tables were turned and he insisted on feeding you pancakes every day for the rest of your life?

4. Make it a real meal.

Listen, nobody ever said you had to rely on a bag or can of food to feed your dog. You cook for your family all the time. Doesn’t your dog deserve similar treatment? Most owners say they’d love to cook for their pups but just don’t know where to start, and that’s where I come in. Now you can help fulfill all of your dog’s nutritional needs as well as his taste desires with just one quick flip through my new book, 180 Delicious Gourmet Dog Recipes.

5. Give him some green.

Your dog needs a well-balanced diet, and the best way to accomplish that is through a wide variety of ingredients. Did you know that many dogs love veggies? In fact, if your dog likes to nibble on grass, he may appreciate some of the veggie-oriented recipes in the cookbook. Give it a shot and see what you – and your dog – think. After all, the worst that could happen is an improvement in your pooch’s health!

Safeguard You and Your Family From Dog Bites or Attack

What Makes Dogs Bite

Not being educated and pet owners not being
committed on training their pet is what leads
to most of these dog bites. We must realize
that dogs don't normally become a part of our
families already trained.

Why Then Do Dogs Bite?

1.They will bite if scared, angry, or threatened.
Even a dog thats friendly will bite.

2.If he feels he's cornered or crowded.

3.They will protect what they think belongs to them.
Like their food, toys.

4.Dogs will protect their space such as sleeping area,
yard, porch, cars and home.

5.Dogs are predatory by nature and love to chase
and attack.

6.A stray dog may feel upset being lost or hurt and
bite with alot less provocation.

7.A dog being startled may lash out and bite.

How to Prevent Bites

8.Teaching young children to be careful around pets.
Don't allow children to play rough or allow puppies to
bite. Not even play biting.

9.Teach your children never get close to strange dogs.

10.Leave a dogs things alone like food, toys, bones,
ect.

11.Most injuries are caused by getting too close to a
dogs face with your own.

12.Refrain from running past a dog. They love to chase.
Avoid getting a dog excited or aggressive, by yelling
and screaming.

13.You never want to pet a dog thats eating, sleeping
or caring for its puppies.

14.Stay away from dogs that are tied up or in cars.

15.You should always ask permission from a pet owner
to pet his dog. Even if he's present and the dog's on
a leash.

16.Refrain from swinging your arms or things you have
at a dog. It may think its an invitation to bite.

17.You should never pet stray dogs or ones running loose.

Its great to have a dog go on a hike or walk on a trail
with you but we humans need to treat dogs with respect.
Just remember to teach your children how act around dogs,
it will keep them safe.

Why Is This Dog Barking

Dogs bark because we humans want our dogs to bark. For years our domestication process and selective breeding has allowed our dogs to develop their barking abilities. Wolves don't bark, so through genetic engineering and the selective breeding process, dogs these days have the ability to retain juvenile characteristics. This is through the process known as neoteny.

Humans have chosen to retain the infantile traits of wolves like large heads, flat faces, large eyes and of course the ability to communicate, barking. Barking was further developed in dogs in order to scare intruders or to help the master out (i.e. on farms to assist in gathering the sheep).

Most dogs simply bark to communicate, to get attention, or simply to show their excitement. Training and lifestyle are important factors in teaching the dog how to communicate with its master.

Dogs are extremely social animals. Wolves themselves always travel in packs are usually never alone. Bringing a dog into your family is basically like bringing a wolf into a pack. It becomes a part of the family. Try not to leave it alone otherwise it will feel as if it was abandoned by the pack. Dogs are like having a baby in the house. They need love, attention, and someone to be there to take care of them. Like people they need a companion to blossom. Meeting your dog's emotional need for companionship and play will allow the two of you to form a strong bond together.

Sometimes having a second dog in the house can minimize the barking and minimize the loneliness. Although this may be rewarding at some times, it can also be a pain. Your best bet would be to maximize training of your dog when it decides to bark. Sometimes having two dogs may cause havoc because they may teach each other to bark more. From the example above, dogs who bark at people are trained in a specific way. Everything boils down to how the owner trains their dog. If you reward the dog for barking, then the dog will understand that it's a good thing to bark. If you don't reward the dog for barking, the dog will understand that it's a bad thing to bark. If you are training your dog to become a watchdog, sometimes their barking can be very selective and discriminating with certain people. Sometimes they may just bark at anything they see. It is important to train these dogs by developing their intelligence level and how they interpret various events.

Dogs who simply bark because of activity or excitement are relatively hard to eliminate. Most of the time these dogs are unaware of their barking and in turn becomes a process that is hard to eliminate.

Debarking can be somewhat inhumane because the dog is trained to let out a low, raspy bark which cannot be heard from more than a few feet away. If you consider the process of debarking your dog you must weigh the pros and cons. It can be beneficial in the sense that your dog will no longer be the irritating dog on the block who barks at anything he sees but may be a problem if the dog is in danger. As an owner you would want to know where the location of your dog was if it was in danger

Survival

Survival is one of the most demanding and challenging issues that we face as humans!

Survival challenges us through many different issues such as: child abuse, sexual abuse, birth, death, job loss, health problems, low self-esteem, relationship ups and downs, parenting, deceptions, breakdowns, poverty, natural disasters, education, addictions and even our own desires to be strong.

Survival comes in little packages and it comes in enormous boxes. It appears when we least expect it, never letting us prepare for the battle. It hides around corners, waiting to pounce on us. It is constantly testing our inner powers and strength.

To live is to survive and without survival you have no life. Survival will change who you are many times. How you deal with your challenge and how drastic the challenge is will determine how much of yourself you manage to keep safe.

A couple of common phrases that we run into many times in our day is, "Only the strong survive" and, "What does not kill us will only make us stronger". These are very good survival attitudes to practice. We need to be strong to survive. It takes pure guts to survive and move forward in any situation. It takes having total control of your thoughts, which is one of your best weapons in the battle of survival. It demands consistent striving to reach your goals, stopping at nothing to meet your destiny.

I emphasize the importance of strength, when battling the war of survival. To be strong is: to be able to stand your ground and hold onto your inner beliefs, which will be your best strategy to win the game. to be born into the survival game without knowledge or understanding of the rules, and still overcome all the obstacles. to be able to clean the skeletons out of your closet that have been haunting you from your past. to take control of your life and deal with the monsters, whether it be through telling a story or confronting the monster face to face. to be able to look back at the reasons for your pain and suffering and wave at it as if it were just a car going by. to be able to smile at a happy memory of a loved one that was taken from you without reason. to be able to say no to drugs and misuse of alcohol. to be able to forgive, forget and let the waters flow under the bridge. to feel physical pain every minute you are awake, yet be able to smile and ease that pain with positive thoughts. to look in the mirror and know you are the best, and to believe who you are. to let go of hate and resentment, when your heart has been deceived or broken. to push forward when all the negative forces feel like they are pushing you backwards. to continue tearing down walls of negative thinking, and replace them with positive openness. to open your heart to another after it was forced to close. to keep searching for answers to a better you, even when all you want to do is quit. to look to tomorrow for the sunshine, when the rain refuses to stop. to give birth to a child, and raise him/her with love and respect. to embrace growing old and never regretting it. to study hard and achieve all the knowledge that the world has to offer you. to not allow the material world to confuse you as to what is really important in life to be a hugger, not a judger. to smile when you want to cry. to Live, Love and Laugh.

"We are driven by five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun."

Start Smoking Now!

Remember the Marlboro guy? You don't see those sorts of ads promoting tobacco products on TV anymore. Back in the day, it used to be cool to smoke. Today we know, more than ever, the many health problems that are associated with smoking a tobacco product. It is finally being seen as a bad habit, perhaps a socially unacceptable one by a few. But, why do so many people start smoking then? Each year millions of people will light their first cigarette. Will it be you this year?

Why We Smoke

Fitting in- In many schools, smoking is a large problem. Yes, it is still peer pressure that forces many teens to light up. Whether caused by the bully or the "come on, are you cool or not?" routine, smoking still happens quite a bit in those younger years. The best way to prevent your child from smoking is to talk to them about what it is, what it does to them, and the need to avoid it in the first place.

The partner does it- This is another large reason why people begin smoking in their young adult years. As they begin to date and hang around a group of people, they may just learn to smoke. Even if the non-smoking partner is never asked to take a smoke, it often happens that he/she gives it a try.

Stress relief- Many people know that those who are smoking are relieving stress through it. So, if your life gets overloaded with anxiety and worry, maybe smoking a pack will help you to deal with it. Atleast that's how many individuals start smoking. Like other addictions, these feelings simply serve as a short-term escape from reality.

All of these reasons to start smoking do not have any real merit. After all, who really believes that it is cool to have tobacco yellow teeth? Nevertheless, thousands of people make the decision to start, pressured or not each day. Will you be one of them? You may want to realize, too, that if you never do start to smoke, you'll never have to fight the battle of quitting, a task that is harder than most problems of our daily life.

Shadows

The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspect of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for self-knowledge, and it therefore as a rule meet with considerable resistance. These shadows are repressed elements of the personality which we choose not to be identified with..

Shadows lurk in the deep recesses of the psyche. It is buried in the heart, in the mind; it is part of us.It follows us, it frightens us, and they come to us in different ways, but always, fits our lifestyle,our beliefs or lack therof.

The courageous person may have a cowardly shadow. The kind,gentle and caring person may have a cruel side hiding behind all that softness. Even among the most benevolent, the most respected personalities and leaders in every field of endeavor, part of their shadow element peeks through their eloquence and their elegance.

Shadows also show as projections. It can be a dislike of certain traits in people, unjustified and unexplainable. We don’t like what we see, perhaps it mirrors part of us that we choose to ignore or may not even be aware of.

Are you comfortable with your friends? If not, ask yourself, why do you hang out with them? Do you judge them harshly? If so, why do you share your precious time with them?

Do you tend to make a compromise that you can not meet? What about the times you get angry at the slightest provocation at times by the same person.

There are times we look for our shadows in the face of other people. We even attract them into our lives. Buried deep, these shadows may drive us to places we dare not go.

Pundits would say it is not wise to deny the shadow element. They believe the only way is to confront it, deal with it and work through the conflicts it creates.

We can take the good. Work with the bad, see the light, face the darkness without fear.Go deep within; let the fears and insecurities buried deep within surface. Confront the anger seething under the skin.

We are not perfect. No matter how many dark clouds hover above us, no matter how long the dark night is, light will surely come. These dark nights offer a chance to enrich and nourish our spirit, our soul and our lives. It helps us to align ourselves with our highest purpose.

By striving for greater balance, endurance and perspective, we generate more personal power and strength.

How To Help An Alcoholic

An alcoholic can be helped to find freedom from alcohol. And, anyone can help who has some counseling or interviewing ability.

There are Two Main Signs of Alcoholism
Alcoholics suffer from an illness that stops them seeing their real condition (denial) and a tolerance to alcohol that keeps them drinking beyond safe levels (loss of control).

Denial of the Effect of Alcohol
Everyone uses denial. It is a normal subconscious way to carry out day to day activities without annoying interference. Stop for a minute and listen to the sounds around you. More than likely you will hear sounds that you were not aware of previously. If you listened to these sounds constantly you would probably get an overload of noise and may not be able to carry out your normal duties.

But denial does not just occur. It grows over time and may be so deeply ingrained in the subconscious that it is no longer a decision to deny anything.

In the noise example from above; denial begins as simple avoidance and minimizing of noises around you. You build up a resistance, a second nature of denial of interfering noises by blocking out more and more. After awhile you are not aware that you are blocking out anything.

Alcoholics are no different. They just block out another form of annoyance, the amount they drink and the effect of their drinking. And, again it starts out in small ways and builds over time.

Loss of Control of Alcohol
Recent research suggests that alcoholics are born with a genetic variation that encourages them to drink. Males with alcoholic fathers need more alcohol to satisfy them than their non-afflicted peers. They need to drink more to get the same affect as males without an alcoholic father.

Additionally, alcoholics develop changes at the cellular level in the brain. These changes actually demand more alcohol be consumed and fed through these altered cells. In a similar way that we all experience hunger for food and our bodies demand more food. Alcoholics have an extra demand for alcohol.

So we have two aspects making an alcoholic drink more alcohol. There is the genetic demand for more and a change in the brain cells demanding more.

Loss of Control plus Denial of Effects
An alcoholic has slowly built up a subconscious defense about how much is drunk and the effect it is having. And, the alcoholic body demands more in the two ways discussed above.

One would imagine that in these circumstances an alcoholic is doomed to oblivion. Many do continue to the ultimate oblivion.

But, alcoholics can be helped – in the right circumstances. And they can be helped early in the progression of the disease to avoid serious trouble, or the ultimate oblivion.

A Window of Opportunity
Problem drinkers and alcoholics will eventually create a problem for themselves, or with other

people, or a legal problem, or problems at work – sometimes affecting all these areas at the same time.

When this happens the drinker may be feeling emotional pain and may be in a ‘window of opportunity’ for listening to someone who cares, who really wants to help, and who can help.

Anyone Can Help
If you care and can see the suffering of the drinker you have what it takes to help a problem drinker. You may be a loved one, a family member, a friend, a work mate or a healthcare professional.

With a little help from experienced people you will learn the particular action needed to enable anyone to see the reality of their problem and help them take action to solve the problem.

Helping Plan
Over the past 65 years healthcare workers have been trying out many types of counseling and helping plans for alcohol abuse. Some action programs have stood out as being consistently successful in getting alcoholics into recovery.

In these programs alcoholics are taken through a specific set of steps to highlight the effects that alcohol is having on their lives.

Disturb Denial
This process disturbs alcoholic denial and motivates the person to want to take action.

Motivation and Action Plan
But, more than motivation is needed. The alcoholic needs to know what to do and also support to carry out an action plan.

A successful plan includes putting the alcoholic in touch with other recovering people immediately they make a decision that they have a real problem.

Family and Friends of Alcoholics
A similar interview style may also be applied to family and friends who may be suffering from the effects of a loved ones drinking. They too may need disturbance of their own denial and a workable action plan.

Compassion and Empathy
The person applying such a program needs to have compassion and empathy for the alcoholic. An understanding of the inner pain and remorse they are suffering is essential.

Loneliness Management

My experience from 37 years of counseling individuals and couples is that most of the problems from which people suffer stem from how they handle the events of life, rather than the events themselves.

Certainly traumatic and tragic events such as loss of loved ones, financial loss, and health issues are extremely challenging. However, some people manage to move through these events with equanimity, while others remain stuck in fear, anxiety, and depression. The difference is in how people handle deeply painful feelings.

I have discovered that there are two core feelings that most people will do almost anything to avoid feeling: loneliness and helplessness.

Loneliness is an intense empty, sad, sinking or burning feeling within. This feeling can be triggered by four different situations:

1) Loss of a loved one.

2) Not having a partner, family or friends with whom to share time and love.

3) Being around others but being closed off to them.

4) Being around others when they are closed off to you.

Other than a traumatic loss, the latter is often the most challenging in everyday life, and this can occur throughout the day. For example, you walk into work happy and open. You greet your friend, and he or she barely responds to you. If you are truly open to your own feelings, you will feel a stab of loneliness. Yet most people are so closed off to this feeling that they immediately attempt to avoid the feeling with some kind of addictive behavior. They might grab a donut while shaming or blaming - telling themselves that they must have done something wrong or that their friend is a jerk. These addictive behaviors are geared to protect against feeling the pain of the loneliness. And they work for the moment to appease the feeling, but the feeling doesn’t actually go away. It just goes deeper within and may eventually cause physical symptoms, such as back pain or some form of illness.

Helplessness is a similar feeling to loneliness – intense inner turmoil. In the example above, not only do you have the stab of loneliness, but you also feel the pain of helplessness over your friend’s behavior. You cannot make him or her connect with you. However, because this is such a difficult feeling, you don’t want to know that you cannot have control over another or over the outcome of things. To avoid knowing about your lack of control, you may shame yourself: “It’s my fault. If I’m different, I can get others to be different.” Or you might blame your friend, attempting to get him or her to change. Both shame and blame are attempts to avoid accepting helplessness over others.

Once you turn to addictive behaviors such as food, alcohol, drugs, activities, shame and blame, you have abandoned yourself. In attempting to avoid feeling the loneliness and helplessness, you have created inner aloneness – self-abandonment. Self-abandonment occurs when your intent is to avoid pain rather than lovingly attend to your authentic feelings. The combination of avoiding loneliness, helplessness and the aloneness that comes from inner abandonment can lead to anxiety, depression and despair. People then often turn to prescription drugs to further avoid their feelings.

Managing the feelings of loneliness and helplessness is not as hard as you may think it is. If you practice the following process, you will find that you do not need to use your various addictions to avoid pain.

1) Stay tuned into your body/feelings so that you know when you are feeling lonely or helpless. It’s very important to be able to name the feeling, and it may take some time to recognize these feelings since you may have been avoiding them for so long.

2) Welcome and embrace the feelings, opening with deep compassion for these feelings. If you are connected with a spiritual Source of love and compassion, open to this Source and ask for help in being in compassion for the feelings.

3) Hold the feelings as you would a child who is hurting, with deep love and understanding. Just be with the feelings with deep acceptance of them for a few minutes.

4) Consciously be willing to release the feelings. Imagine the feelings of loneliness and helplessness moving through you and being released into the Universe – into Divine Love.

You will find that these painful feelings will quickly release if you practice these steps rather than abandon yourself in the face of painful events and experiences.

!!माँ कालरात्रि!!

!!माँ कालरात्रि!!

दुर्गा की सातवीं शक्ति कालरात्रि के नाम से जानी जाती है। इनके शरीर का रंग घने अंधकार की भाँति काला है, बाल बिखरे हुए, गले में विद्युत की भाँति चमकने वाली माला है। इनके तीन नेत्र हैं जो ब्रह्माण्ड की तरह गोल हैं, जिनमें से बिजली की तरह चमकीली किरणें निकलती रहती हैं। इनकी नासिका से श्वास, निःश्वास से अग्नि की भयंकर ज्वालायें निकलती रहती हैं। इनका वाहन 'गर्दभ' (गधा) है। दाहिने ऊपर का हाथ वरद मुद्रा में सबको वरदान देती हैं, दाहिना नीचे वाला हाथ अभयमुद्रा में है। बायीं ओर के ऊपर वाले हाथ में लोहे का कांटा और निचले हाथ में खड्ग है। माँ का यह स्वरूप देखने में अत्यन्त भयानक है किन्तु सदैव शुभ फलदायक है। अतः भक्तों को इनसे भयभीत नहीं होना चाहिए। दुर्गा पूजा के सातवें दिन माँ कालरात्रि की उपासना का विधान है। इस दिन साधक का मन सहस्त्रारचक्र में अवस्थित होता है। साधक के लिए सभी सिद्धियों का द्वार खुलने लगता है। इस चक्र में स्थित साधक का मन पूर्णत: मां कालरात्रि के स्वरूप में अवस्थित रहता है, उनके साक्षात्कार से मिलने वाले पुण्य का वह अधिकारी होता है, उसकी समस्त विघ्न बाधाओं और पापों का नाश हो जाता है और उसे अक्षय पुण्य लोक की प्राप्ति होती है। भगवती कालरात्रि का ध्यान, कवच, स्तोत्र का जाप करने से 'भानुचक्र' जागृत होता है। इनकी कृपा से अग्नि भय, आकाश भय, भूत पिशाच स्मरण मात्र से ही भाग जाते हैं। कालरात्रि माता भक्तों को अभय प्रदान करती है।

ध्यान
करालवंदना धोरां मुक्तकेशी चतुर्भुजाम्।
कालरात्रिं करालिंका दिव्यां विद्युतमाला विभूषिताम॥
दिव्यं लौहवज्र खड्ग वामोघोर्ध्व कराम्बुजाम्।
अभयं वरदां चैव दक्षिणोध्वाघः पार्णिकाम् मम॥
महामेघ प्रभां श्यामां तक्षा चैव गर्दभारूढ़ा।
घोरदंश कारालास्यां पीनोन्नत पयोधराम्॥
सुख पप्रसन्न वदना स्मेरान्न सरोरूहाम्।
एवं सचियन्तयेत् कालरात्रिं सर्वकाम् समृध्दिदाम्॥

स्तोत्र पाठ
हीं कालरात्रि श्री कराली च क्लीं कल्याणी कलावती।
कालमाता कलिदर्पध्नी कमदीश कुपान्विता॥
कामबीजजपान्दा कमबीजस्वरूपिणी।
कुमतिघ्नी कुलीनर्तिनाशिनी कुल कामिनी॥
क्लीं हीं श्रीं मन्त्र्वर्णेन कालकण्टकघातिनी।
कृपामयी कृपाधारा कृपापारा कृपागमा॥

कवच
ऊँ क्लीं मे हृदयं पातु पादौ श्रीकालरात्रि।
ललाटे सततं पातु तुष्टग्रह निवारिणी॥
रसनां पातु कौमारी, भैरवी चक्षुषोर्भम।
कटौ पृष्ठे महेशानी, कर्णोशंकरभामिनी॥
वर्जितानी तु स्थानाभि यानि च कवचेन हि।
तानि सर्वाणि मे देवीसततंपातु स्तम्भिनी॥

!!माँ महागौरी!!

!!माँ महागौरी!!

दुर्गा की आठवीं शक्ति का नाम महागौरी है। इनका वर्ण पूर्णतः गौर है। इस गौरता की उपमा शंख, चन्द्र और कून्द के फूल की गयी है। इनकी आयु आठ वर्ष बतायी गयी है। इनका दाहिना ऊपरी हाथ में अभय मुद्रा में और निचले दाहिने हाथ में त्रिशूल है। बांये ऊपर वाले हाथ में डमरू और बांया नीचे वाला हाथ वर की शान्त मुद्रा में है। पार्वती रूप में इन्होंने भगवान शिव को पाने के लिए कठोर तपस्या की थी। इन्होंने प्रतिज्ञा की थी कि व्रियेअहं वरदं शम्भुं नान्यं देवं महेश्वरात्। गोस्वामी तुलसीदास के अनुसार इन्होंने शिव के वरण के लिए कठोर तपस्या का संकल्प लिया था जिससे इनका शरीर काला पड़ गया था। इनकी तपस्या से प्रसन्न होकर जब शिव जी ने इनके शरीर को पवित्र गंगाजल से मलकर धोया तब वह विद्युत के समान अत्यन्त कांतिमान गौर हो गया, तभी से इनका नाम गौरी पड़ा। देवी महागौरी का ध्यान, स्रोत पाठ और कवच का पाठ करने से 'सोमचक्र' जाग्रत होता है जिससे संकट से मुक्ति मिलती है और धन, सम्पत्ति और श्री की वृद्धि होती है। इनका वाहन वृषभ है।

ध्यान

वन्दे वांछित कामार्थे चन्द्रार्घकृत शेखराम्।

सिंहरूढ़ा चतुर्भुजा महागौरी यशस्वनीम्॥

पूर्णन्दु निभां गौरी सोमचक्रस्थितां अष्टमं महागौरी त्रिनेत्राम्।

वराभीतिकरां त्रिशूल डमरूधरां महागौरी भजेम्॥

पटाम्बर परिधानां मृदुहास्या नानालंकार भूषिताम्।

मंजीर, हार, केयूर किंकिणी रत्नकुण्डल मण्डिताम्॥

प्रफुल्ल वंदना पल्ल्वाधरां कातं कपोलां त्रैलोक्य मोहनम्।

कमनीया लावण्यां मृणांल चंदनगंधलिप्ताम्॥

स्तोत्र पाठ

सर्वसंकट हंत्री त्वंहि धन ऐश्वर्य प्रदायनीम्।

ज्ञानदा चतुर्वेदमयी महागौरी प्रणमाभ्यहम्॥

सुख शान्तिदात्री धन धान्य प्रदीयनीम्।

डमरूवाद्य प्रिया अद्या महागौरी प्रणमाभ्यहम्॥

त्रैलोक्यमंगल त्वंहि तापत्रय हारिणीम्।

वददं चैतन्यमयी महागौरी प्रणमाम्यहम्॥

कवच

ओंकारः पातु शीर्षो मां, हीं बीजं मां, हृदयो।

क्लीं बीजं सदापातु नभो गृहो च पादयो॥

ललाटं कर्णो हुं बीजं पातु महागौरी मां नेत्रं घ्राणो।

कपोत चिबुको फट् पातु स्वाहा मा सर्ववदनो॥

DeStress Yourself

Five Tips to De-stress Your Life

1. Identify what is burdening you right now. What do you hate about your life? What are you tolerating? By stating what you hate or are putting up with in your present circumstances, you can then identify what you want. As you answer this question, consider each of the categories mentioned below. Make a thorough list and be specific. This list is for your eyes only, so spill onto paper whatever you hate about your present circumstances, without trying to sugar-coat how you are feeling.

* Relationships: I hate feeling like I always have to be right. I hate how my son never wants to spend time with me.

* Health & Wellness: I hate being 20 pounds overweight. I hate getting so out-of-breath when I take the stairs. I hate that I am so stressed that I cannot fall asleep at night.

* Financial Health: I hate how I always defer my tax returns because I am so disorganized with my financial records. I hate how many tax deductions I forfeit because of my lousy record-keeping practices.

* Environment: I hate how my office is cluttered with piles of paper. I hate that I waste so much time looking for things. I hate how much money I waste because I have to buy something I have but cannot find. I hate that I cannot park my car in the garage because of all the junk stored in there.

* Work: I hate regularly working past 5 PM and on the weekends.

2. Deal with unresolved issues. Is there something in your past that you have not dealt with – psychological barriers, untreated disorders, unfinished business from your childhood, unresolved relationships, addictions, or depression? If so, seek professional assistance to clear a path for a new beginning. Without first dealing with these obstacles, you may sabotage your efforts or find major resistance to making the changes you desire.

3. De-clutter and create order. Creating order in your home and work environment may help you to gain clarity as you explore the horizon of some new directions in other areas of your life. Here's my definition of clutter: Anything you own, possess, or do that does not enhance your life on a regular basis. It’s hard to make room for something new amidst all the clutter ... whether that clutter exists in your physical environment, on your calendar, or in your head.

4. Move from complaints to solutions. Look at your list of things you hate (above), and design a vision around what you want and choose for the future. Create a chart that includes the complaints, solutions to achieve your vision, and projected dates of completion.

Tried everything and still cannot find a solution? Ask someone else to help you brainstorm a solution, or make peace with it and quit thinking of it as a problem.

Eliminate excuses that are undermining your vision. For example, if you feel like you have to work late, examine the excuses that are undermining your desire to leave the office by 5 PM. Are you staying late to catch up with e-mail or to meet deadlines? How can you eliminate the excuse? Build in time to handle those activities during regular work hours.

Commit time to take positive action. Carve out protected time for working on an important project that would otherwise not get done until the 11th hour (after hours or on the weekend). For large projects, break them into smaller "bite-sized" projects.

5. Get support as you change behaviors. In order to create new behaviors which will get and keep you at the enhanced level at which you wish to function, you may need support. An accountability partner or personal coach can help you:

* Reflect back what you say you want so you can hear yourself.

* Clarify what it will take to get you from where you are to where you want to be.

* Build in accountability check-ins (without judgment) around the actions you choose to take.

Flowers and Chakras

How do you connect chakras, the energy centres of the body in Eastern tradition, and flowers, pretty, ephemeral, bright, cheerful manifestations of nature? 

There are seven main chakras in a line from the base of the spine to the crown of the head and one more newly recognised chakra just above the head which I believe is important. Each one is associated with various areas of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. When the energy flow in one becomes blocked it can result in certain symptoms and vice versa. By keeping the chakras open and the energy flowing, we can maximise our body’s ability to keep well and heal itself. 

One way of stimulating energy flow is by a simple visualisation. Each chakra has a colour of the spectrum linked to it. Focus on that colour and imagine that colour light pouring into the chakra and saturating it in pure coloured light, then visualise the chakra as a spinning disc of colour. Take 2 or 3 deep breaths as you do so. You can also repeat a mantra or affirmation to intensify the positive energy you are creating. Work through each chakra in turn from Root to Crown to rebalance your whole energy level. 

So what about the flowers? Whatever you use to visualise the colour would work, paint swatches, coloured stones or crystals, an image in your minds eye, but beautiful photographs of flowers saturated in the pure colour of each chakra can bring some extra flower energy into your life as well. 

Flowers raise the vibrational energy around them, which is why they have long been associated with celebrations, brought as presents to new mothers, sick people, loved ones. Weddings and funerals are lavish with them. We are rarely aware of the spiritual connection these days, we just know that flowers cheer people up and make them feel glad. So flower photos as visualisation aids make sense and are beautiful to have around. www.aflowergallery.com has a whole section devoted to chakra flower photos. 

There are books written about the chakras going into far more detail than there is space for here, as it is a deep and complex subject, with infinite, individual interpretations, but here is a basic, brief summary of the chakras and their associated areas and colours. 

1. 

Root - Red 

Situated at the base of the spine. 

Emotional grounding and ones roots. The excretory and reproductive systems and the immune system. 

Mantra “I am in touch with the earth, my roots” 

2. Sacral – Orange 

A hands breadth down from the belly button. 

Sexuality, creativity, financial issues, honour and ethics, one to one relationships. 

Genital and urinary systems, bladder and prostate. 

Mantra “I am a creative, sexual being” 

3. Solar Plexus – Yellow 

Over the solar plexus at the bottom of the rib cage. 

Self-esteem, self-confidence and how you see yourself. 

Digestive system, worries and fears, the stress of responsibility. 

Mantra “I believe in myself” 

4. Heart – Green 

Over the heart. 

Love, forgiveness, unconditional love. Relationships. 

Circulatory and immune systems. Heart and lungs. Loneliness. 

Mantra “I can give and receive love” 

5. Throat – Blue 

Centre of the throat 

Communication, self-expression and will power. 

Thyroid problems, sore throats, addictions(due to lack of will) 

Mantra “I speak my truth” 

6. Brow - Indigo 

Centre of forehead 

Intuition, intellect and mind, inner vision. 

Brain and nervous system, eye problems. 

Mantra “I see clearly” 

7. Crown - Violet 

Top of head. 

Spiritual awakening, search for meaning. Our relationship to our spirit and God. 

Central nervous system, overwhelming fatigue. 

Mantra “I believe” 

8. Soul star – White/crystal 

Directly above the crown, about two hand’s breadths from the head 

Awareness of ones soul and its connection to the conscious self. 

Gives perspective on life and ability to see seemingly random positive or negative events as part of the soul’s journey. 

Mantra "I transcend"